Attacked

Something scary happened. Like the kind of scary you hear about in stories but never happens to you. Let me preface this post with the fact and miracle that everyone, thank G-d, is OK.

We were exhausted from packing and getting ready to move this past Friday. So we decided to get take-out food for Shabbat, and since we didn't have much time, we decided to split up the errands. Yehoshua went with Ziva to get diapers and wipes, while I headed to the restaurant to select our Shabbat meals. There are very few times I have gone somewhere without Ziva, and I really wanted to do our errands all together, but it seemed to make the most sense.

Once I was out, I realized what a beautiful day it was. I was enjoying my walk, and on the way home I browsed through the Bezalel Art Fair. I was a couple minutes away from my house, when I decided to call Shua and ask him what else I should get for Shabbat. The line was busy, which I thought nothing of. I tried again, but then saw that he was calling me. On the other end, he was yelling in a frantic way that I had never heard before, "RIVKAH STAY AWAY FROM THE HOUSE, WE'VE BEEN ATTACKED." First thought was that there was a bomb in the building. He managed to sputter out a couple words about a psychotic man who tried to kidnap Ziva, and that the police were on their way. I heeled over in the middle of the street, crying and screaming. I didn't know what to do- there was nothing I could do, but stare at our apartment building in the distance. An English-speaking woman asked me what was wrong, told me to sit down and offered me water from her bottle. (I said no) I told her briefly what I knew, and then I got another call from Shua telling me that it was okay to come back. The nice woman and her daughter, brought me up the elevator and back to our apartment. I was so scared, but I didn't know what had happened exactly, so I started to calm down a little- knowing the two most precious people in my life were safe and locked in.

As soon as I saw Shua, my heart dropped. His arms were tightly wrapped around Ziva, crying and shaking, with a bruise around his eye. I started hugging them both immediately, hysterically crying with him. We cried and cried and cried. I felt helpless, that I should be doing something or that I should have done something. We kissed and hugged and cried, while I tried to nurse Ziva and make sure she was taken care of. I saw bruises and scratches on Shua's face. He put an bag of ice on his head, and I could only imagine the worst. I didn't know how anyone could hurt him, he's such a GOOD person. I didn't want to ask too soon what had happened... so as we sat there in tears, we thanked G-d that everything was okay. I kept saying, "I don't know what I would do with out you or Ziva, I'm sorry I wasn't there, I will never take you for granted, thank you for protecting our baby..."

So this is the story. A man buzzed himself into our building and came over to Shua and Ziva in the lobby. He tried to pick her up and said to her "Gila, it's your Abba." Shua was really confused, and told him not to touch her because "she wasn't feeling well." He got up and went into the elevator. As the door was closing this man pushed the door open and said to Shua, "ARE YOU OK?" At that point, he realized there was something very wrong with this man. The man followed them up to our apartment, peered in, and started to tell Shua that Ziva was not his daughter. He grabbed her arm. The moment he grabbed her arm, Shua pushed him against the wall. The fought down the hallway, and although Shua got in a couple good punches, the guy (bigger than him) managed to get him to the floor, pummeled him in the head and tried to poke his eyes out. Shua thinks that since he was headed towards the staircase, his goal was to throw him down the staircase. (Which is really, really far down) All Shua was focusing on was that he couldn't black out since little, sweet Ziva was in the hallway completely unattended. He tried yelling for someone to get the baby, for someone to call the police, but no one answered. For a split-second, the guy stopped, so Shua ran to Ziva, pushed the stroller in the apartment and slammed the door on his face.

It's hard to find the words to describe how incredibly scary this was. I keep replaying it in my head, as if I had been there. I can't believe this happened in the middle of the day. I can't believe this happened and no one helped. I can't believe this happened, period. Why G-d, please tell me why did we have to go through this? This was a HUGE wake-up call- giving me a stronger appreciation for life, and encouraging me to think... a lot.

We left the apartment for Shabbat. Thank G-d we had family friends who were more than happy to have us last minute. When we came back after wards, we quickly packed up the rest of our things since Sunday was our moving day. Now, we're here, and we couldn't feel safer or happier. This morning, after our cup of coffee, Shua, Ziva and I had an amazing dance party to the Black Eyed Peas. I think we might make it a tradition. I heard it's good to get your feet off the ground, reach towards the sky, and thank G-d for every moment.

Stylin' mama

Entering motherhood, I took a pretty laid-back approach. I wasn't the one researching every possible scenario of birth or reading up on styles of parenting. I just thought...whatever will be will be. Of course, there were some things I would never do, like co-sleeping. Yet, she's been sleeping in bed with me since her 2nd day of life. There were some things I really liked the idea of, such as natural births, baby wearing... Okay, I may seem like a hippie mama, but believe me, I'm far from a hippie. I love disposable diapers, I'm not against pacifiers, I use way too many plastic bags and if you catch me eating something organic...I'm probably at a friend's house. When it comes to raising Ziva, though, I found my method--- it's called my instincts! Every little soul needs it's own nurturing, and no one knows your own baby better than yourself. So I follow what's in my heart, double check to make sure it's safe and away we go. It's a journey.

I do find myself going against the grain of a lot of mainstream ideas on parenting. It's weird, since I kinda grew up taking what doctors say at face value. Leah, my close friend, mentioned that I might want to read the Dr. Sears book on Attachment Parenting. Honestly, I didn't read it cover to cover, but I did gain a lot of insight as to what Attachment Parenting is, and I'm really into it. Basically Attachment Parenting is about respecting your child's needs. "Attachment" is considered positive, with an ability to create a harmony between father/mother and baby. It is my feeling that establishing a strong bond with Ziva will help her in all areas of life and give her the confidence to be a healthy and independent person. I just don't think she needs to be independent at 7 months old. I realize that rocking or nursing her to sleep every night may mean that for the next couple years she may not sleep through the night. I realize that picking her up when she's fussy may mean we might be snuggling a lot more during the day. Some days are harder than others, and I do my best to be patient, kind and compassionate towards her. G-d is patient, kind and compassionate...and we're here to emulate Him. So I try.

I've come to peace, somewhat, with the fact that there are so many different ways to mother. I haven't yet met a mother that doesn't love her children with all her heart, and so I trust she must be following her own intuition. I respect others for their choices, just as I would want that kind of respect in return. I know it's hard for people to understand certain things, like the fact that we're waiting to vaccinate or that we're just not going to let her cry. It's also hard for me to understand when people make the opposite decisions, but I guess that's the beauty of differences. It doesn't mean we can't respect and learn from each other.

I just had to take a break to nurse Ziva back to sleep. She's had this cold for a couple weeks now, poor little thing! She can barely even nurse because it's hard for her to breathe through her nose while nursing. Just having me next to her helps her fall back asleep. G-d willing, she will feel better soon- everyday she gets better. She's the sweetest angel. I love the warmth of her snuggles and the distinct smell of her breath. As far as attachment goes, I think I'm more attached to her.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week, Shavuah Tov!

Our 2nd anniversary date

Thursday night was our 2nd year anniversary. Everyone keeps telling me how crazy that sounds, but in reality, I feel like I've known Yehoshua forever. Totally soul mates. It's really amazing when you can get to that point in your relationship where you feel super comfortable with the other person. Sometimes I'll say to him, "Do you think I would have ever done that while we were dating?" The answer is usually NO WAY. Although, he's assured me more than once he would have still married me in spite of all my embarrassing idiosyncrasies. When it comes down to it, the things that might annoy you about your spouse are most likely the things that you actually love the most. Like the fact that he never likes to waste things-- so he cleans out the ice cream containers or jelly jars. I used to wonder...WHY??? But now whenever I need to store leftovers, I'm overjoyed to have a sturdy, perfectly sized container to use. Go figure!

I've been anticipating this anniversary for months. I had decided that this was the day that I could try to leave Ziva with a babysitter for the first time. She's almost 7 months old, and she has never been with anyone else besides us. (Not even our parents, even though they've tried!) I asked my friend, Naama, to babysit nearly a month in advanced! I thought she would be perfect since she has such a calm and sweet demeanor, and I knew she already loved Ziva. I was so nervous that day, wondering how everything would pan out. I made sure to have pumped milk, extra clothing and pajamas laid out, diapers and wipes ready and of course a full page of instructions and emergency phone numbers.

It was such a weird feeling to be out with Yehoshua without Ziva. We held hands, laughed, walked around, I even threw on a pair of high heels! It was really fun. We went to get a smoothie before we went out to dinner, just because we felt funny entering the restaurant before 5 pm. (We went out from 4-8:30 so that we could put Ziva to sleep ourselves) We ended up going to one of our favorite places to eat here---RYU on Emek Refaim. They have really yummy Sushi and "Asian fusion" food. We literally ordered the whole menu- Salmon roll with caviar, spicy tuna tempura, beef dim sum, hot and sour soup, spicy schezuan beef, chicken/tofu pad thai. By the time we got the main entrees, we only picked at them and asked for them to go. In honor of our anniversary, they brought us one of their tapioca desserts. It was really delicious, and kind of inspired me to learn how to make tapioca. I remember seeing the tapioca pearls at the health food store on Agrippas.

We called Naama periodically through the night to check on our munchkin. It seemed like they were doing great, and I really wasn't too nervous. At one point, Ziva even fell asleep on Naama, which I thought was so sweet. Since she was sleeping, we took a little extra time to go grocery shopping for Shabbat. It was nice not having to be an entertainer and grocery shopper at the same time, and we got just about everything we needed for Shabbat. We wanted to make something easier---so we snagged my mother-in-law's recipe for her southern fried chicken! (With a salad and mashed potatoes) It turned out well!

When we got back, I couldn't stop smiling in the elevator, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Ziva! She came to the door to greet us, and she was so happy! I know I made a good choice about who watched over her. When Naama left, the most incredible thing happened. I was making a funny face while repeatedly saying "Chubby baby" to Ziva and she started laughing so hard, which made us laugh, and her laugh even more. We all literally stood there for over 5 minutes, laughing our heads off. Best anniversary present ever! Thanks Ziva! I thought to myself that I couldn't be happier!

Home is where the heart is

Whether or not I believe so strongly in astrological signs, I have to say that mine is pretty true to a lot of my personality traits. I'm a Taurus, an earth sign, and I love stability. Moving to Israel was okay, since, in essence, we were moving home. But moving from apartment to apartment every year, is taking a toll on me. Every new place we move, I have dreams of decorations, classy but comfortable furniture, new dishes, getting printed canvases of our pictures and the list literally goes on and on and on. I've never really felt settled in to a place. For instance, the apartment we live in now came furnished. I didn't realize it when we picked the place, but the furniture is ugly. Also, the bigger issue is that it didn't come with an oven (only a built in stove top). When we moved in last year, we figured we'd get an oven and find a place for it in the kitchen. Then we realized that there was no room in the apartment for an oven, unless we wanted it to be the main attraction of the living room. So, we waited and waited, thinking maybe magically our apartment would expand. Now we're moving in a month and I am the most creative cook out there---well, maybe not but I definitely have a lot of experience in stove top and crock pot recipes. It's interesting that simply not having an oven could prevent me from feeling settled in. I guess that and the fact that we've been "throwing away" 3,500 nis every month on an apartment that we'll never own.

Our landlord wants to raise the apartment 500 nis for the next tenant. I personally think it's a little crazy. That amounts to about 1,080 American dollars per month including building maintenance, but that doesn't include city tax or any of the utilities. (Did I mention it's a one bedroom apartment?) It's also a little frustrating for us because we want to leave our contract a month early, which is fine with her, but we have to help her find a new renter. Since the location is in extremely high demand, it shouldn't be so difficult. The thing is, our landlord is very very picky when it comes to her is living in her apartment. So this task has proven to be a challenging one. Within the first day of listing the apartment online, we already had 3 different people interested. 2 out of the 3 wanted to go for it, and others have been interested since. Unfortunately, our landlord has found reasons not to rent it out them. I'm actually getting a little worried, because if we don't move out by January 15, we'll be paying double rent for an entire month- 3,500 for the Jerusalem apartment and 2,800 for the one in Efrat. Yay, Efrat!!! We are really excited about it, and the community seems wonderful from what we can tell so far.

A single woman came to check out our apartment yesterday. She actually lives in our building, but wants something a little different. I'm hoping and praying it works out. She didn't seem to like the colors on our walls---who can blame her? I mean, it is a little intense. Blue, cream and RED in the bedroom. It was those colors when we came in. Honestly, though, it's a nice change from white walls. Our new apartment has a pleasant off white color. It's completely new, no one has lived there yet, so the paint job and everything else about it is beautiful.

I wonder how many years post-aliyah it will take until we feel home IN our home. I guess we could just live in a cardboard box by the Western Wall, and then we'd be the CLOSEST to home. Someone once told me that she also feels the same way about the places they lived and that she has started to think of it in a positive light, "This life is temporary, and so are all the things in it. So why should I feel attached to all these places and things when they are of actually very little importance?"

I totally hear that, but...I still want a home, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. The next apartment is lookin' good to me though, and I'm going to do my best to make it the coziest, loveliest, homey place yet.

Shabbat Shalom!

Stormy weather

I literally haven't stepped outside since Friday morning. Just looking out my window is enough for me right now. Ziva and I stayed in our pajamas all day, and she's been so cuddly! Nap time was wonderful- 1 pm-4:30 pm, and I was actually sleeping for most of it too! When we went to America, I bought the cutest snowflake pajama pants. I totally associate this season with some kind of winter wonderland, not this stormy and windy weather. It's a little weird not to have 5 feet of snow outside my door, car doors iced shut and clouds of breath filling the air. Snow is enchanting. It's like a sweet blanket of beauty, well at least from the inside, sitting by the fire and drinking hot cocoa.

There is something a little gloomy about these past couple days besides the weather. It has been one test after another of my strength. I'm not going to break down. I'm not going to break down.

It actually reminds me of this time in Tzfat that I went to a massage therapist. She was Russian, and only spoke Russian and Hebrew. Yehoshua came along to translate, and we were both shocked by the inspiring words she spoke. Firstly, she told me that by looking at my feet she could tell that I was an extremely sensitive and spiritual person. I am highly affected and aware of experiences that happen in my life. She also said that I hold a lot of tension in my shoulders and neck which can mean that if someone says or does something that I don't think is right, I am overly bothered by it. I completely resonated with the things she said about me. Then she began to explain to us what she had learned about perspective, "There are only two things in this world. Creator and the created. If you are the created, then EVERYTHING else is the Creator. If your neighbor does something bad to you, then G-d is trying to teach you something. There's no reason to get angry or upset, you should only take that opportunity to fix a character trait within yourself."

I really try to think that way, and it was nice to have her there to remind me during a time that was stressful. I'm happy that I thought of it now because it's so important to step back and look at the whole situation. Even still, I can't help but wonder why am I so darn sensitive? Why did G-d give me this trait? How can I use it to the best of my ability without letting it get me down? Today someone said something offensive to me, and I literally laid on Shua's shoulder and cried. Maybe it's post-partum hormonal stuff, but I'm pretty sure I've always been this way. It's hard to understand that everything is good, all the time. I saw this on Rabbi Manis Friedman's Facebook status the other day, "Darkness cannot be swept away with a broom. In order to abolish darkness, one must bring forth light by increasing in knowledge of holy things. Learn more and you will understand on a greater level."

So I guess I should learn more. And hopefully, the sun will come out tomorrow! :)

What life might be like with twins

I've always wondered how mothers do it with more than one baby. I just figured that since they have no other choice, they somehow manage. Today was the first day that I found out what it might be like with two kids or even twins!

Ziva has a new friend! His name is Yotam, and I have committed to taking care of him while his mother, Adina, goes to school for about 15 hours a week. I thought it would be a nice side-income that would still allow me to be a stay at home mama. Although I love babies and I have experience working at a daycare, I wasn't sure how the first day would go. It went amazingly!!! I woke up an hour before they arrived, at 7 am to organize the play area and freshen up. Good thing I did that because they came 10 minutes early. Yotam is a really cute and chilled out baby. I made him laugh first thing in the morning, which impressed Adina. Ziva and Shua were still sleeping in the other room when they came, so it gave me some time to talk details about bottles, nap time, preferences, etc. Then Adina left, and it was time to party!

Ziva Menucha

Yotam

We went out to get some fresh air and spend a bit of time at my attachment parenting playgroup. I have to say that I was BUBBLING WITH HAPPINESS. I wore Ziva, and pushed Yotam in his stroller...


I couldn't explain it to Shua, but I was so delighted to have the opportunity to take care of these two little neshamot. On our walk, I chattered away with a silly smile on my face. I could definitely picture having two babies one day, and I think I was proud of myself for taking this job. The rest of the day went really well. They both napped twice during the same time! If that's not a miracle, I don't know what is. The only part that was challenging was when Ziva and Yotam were hungry at the same moment. I figured out how to nurse Ziva while holding the bottle for Yotam as he sat in a baby bouncer. It was a pretty funny site!

When he left, I really appreciated some special time with my princess. She is SO sweet, she's my little cupcake! When I hug her, I honestly do not know how to contain my love...do I squeeze her tighter? Can I eat her? Should I sing her love songs? How do you express your motherly love?

I'm looking forward to tomorrow. As long as Shua makes me his famously yummy coffee in the morning, I got this!

Traveling without a car in Israel

Last month, we decided it was time to find a new home. It will be our third home in Israel, but I guess good things come in threes so maybe it will be a perfect fit. We've been traveling by foot, by stroller and by bus. I am proud to say that we are much better packers, walkers and people because of it. I used to be such a baby about traveling. I remember during my first year here, I would always opt for the taxi cab, and I felt the money was well worth it. Now, I couldn't feel more differently.

The bus system is set up really well in Israel. We have multiple bus stops right outside our apartment building that have lines which go all over Jerusalem. Of course, if we want to travel further out, we have to get to the central bus station which is about a 25 minute walk. (In my time, not Shua's) So every Friday for the past month we've had a routine.

• Wake up as early as possible
• I take a shower and get dressed while Shua plays with Ziva
• Shua takes a shower while I feed, diaper and dress her
• Shua gets dressed and then keeps an eye on Ziva while she plays
• We both frantically get our backpack of clothing together, half of which is Ziva's
• I put on my make up and complain about how I can't find anything and I need more head scarves
• We try to manage to eat something, if we're lucky
  
• I probably have to feed Ziva again, just to make sure she's okay for the walk ahead of us
• We debate what stroller to bring and whether we should take a cab to the central bus station
• We never take a cab
• We pass by the shuk on the way, and pick up wine or dessert for our hosts
• Then we literally walk as fast as we can, without talking, to the central bus station

Sometimes Ziva will be fussy and I'll have to hold her while Shua pushes the empty stroller or I'll wrap her in the baby wrap. (Which I love, but after awhile I start to feel pressure in my back-She's almost 20 lbs now!).

So far, this has worked pretty well for us, except for...well, there are a couple exceptions. On our way to Ma'aleh Adumim a few weeks ago, we put the backpack in the bottom of the stroller. We even said to each other that there was NO WAY it could fall out without us noticing. It was one of those hiking backpacks that are fairly large.

Anyway, we got on the bus by the central bus station and could not have felt more relieved to be on our way, when Shua says, "Where's the backpack?"

OMG! It was no where to be found. He quickly folded up the stroller and put it to the side with some of our random bags hanging off it. I was already sitting in my seat with Ziva on my lap. We decided he should get off at the next stop and run back to look for it. It had all of our toiletries, nice Shabbat clothes, along with some of the cutest things from Ziva's wardrobe. He got off, while I stayed on headed to Ma'aleh Adumim. Phone rang. Couldn't find it. Phone rang again. Still couldn't find it. Phone rang. I missed it. (Ziva was becoming very unhappy.) I called him back and heard yelling in the background.

I called again, "#$#@@! (Shua hardly ever swears) Rivkah, they just blew up our backpack and they are going to fine me for it!"

Tears starting rolling down my cheeks. I was sweating, uncomfortable and I had no idea how I was going to get off the bus with Ziva and all of our stuff without Shua. I didn't even really know which stop to get off at.

Apparently, Shua had run down to Rechov Agrippas (Street of the shuk) when he realized where we might have dropped it. We stopped there to take Ziva out of her stroller because she was exhausted and wasn't falling asleep. As he approached the "scene" he yelled out to one of the security people, "That's my bag...." and BOOM! Hardly any of the remains were usable. My phone charger survived.

Someone started taking down his ID number, and told him he was going to get fined for his mistake. Another person came up to him and told him he wasn't going to get fined, and he should take the items to a place to get money back for them. Then a store owner on the street started screaming at Shua. He said that we lost him business because of all the chaos, and that the right thing to do was to pay him 1,000 shekel. "If I had 1,000 shekel to pay you, I would."

The store owner ended up bringing him a trash bag to put our blown up clothing in, and made a comment that it was too bad all the diapers were ruined.

And that was that. I was so upset that I thought I would never laugh about it. Yet, here I am writing this with a smirk on my face. As corny as it is, when it comes down to it, materialistic things mean so little. When I took a deep breath, and wrapped my arms around the two people I love most, the backpack didn't seem like such a big deal anymore.

Oh yeah, and this past week, we lost a wheel on our nice peg perego stroller (it got lost under the bus where everything is stored). We just looked at each other and didn't say anything.

One day we'll have a car. DEFINITELY before our second baby, G-d willing.