Murder of the Fogel Family

My body has literally been in pain since Saturday night when I heard about the horrific murder of 5 members of the Fogel family. I feel a loss in my heart that I've never felt before and an anger that I don't know will ever cease. This family very well could have been my neighbors, best friends or relatives. As far away as these people may feel to the rest of the world, they feel that much closer to me. Not only do we live in Israel, we also live in what is called the west bank.

The disgusting Arab terrorists who call themselves "Fatah Freedom Fighters" stabbed and slashed the throats of a a couple living in Itamar, Israel, along with three out of six of their young children- including a 3 MONTH OLD BABY IN HER SLEEP. How could anyone possibly kill a innocent, sweet baby? It makes me so sad, I've been crying every day. It makes me so mad, I want to scream. Being a mother, I look at my own baby and squeeze her a little tighter. I see the purity in her eyes and think of those children who deserved to live.

If you haven't already read, here is an excerpt from Israel National News,
"Between 22:20 and 22:30 the terrorists entered the house through the living room picture window, did not notice the 6-year-old boy sleeping on the couch and continued on to the bedroom where they slashed the throats of the father and newborn baby who were sleeping there. The mother came out of the bathroom and was stabbed on its threshold. The evidence shows that she tried to fight the terrorists.

They then slashed the throat of the 11-year old-son who was reading in bed. They did not notice the 2-year old asleep in his bed, but murdered the 3-year old with two stabs to his heart. After that, they locked the door, exited through the window and escaped."

See full story here

The 12 year old, who survived, came home to find her murdered family. I keep thinking about her reaction, that her heart must have flown from her body. How will she ever get past this? The three living children will never feel the warmth of their parents' arms wrapped around them. I can't imagine living with that kind of fear and deep sadness.

I keep reading news articles. Even though it hurts me so much, a part of me wants to feel it more-- as much as their living family members who shouldn't have to endure such pain. Even still, I've been trying to avoid the graphic pictures that the family allowed the press to release, although I did gaze over them. I shudder at the evil. As I browse online, there is a flow of Arabic conversation right outside my window. I can't help but wish people didn't employ Arabs in our very own community. I just heard them laughing- I wonder what they are laughing about. You never know who is good and who is not. The Fogels had just gone to bed after their Shabbat evening and they were murdered in their sleep. Something they never saw coming, no one ever sees these things coming.

I finally know what it's like to feel truly a part of this country. We exist with many tragedies, yet we rejoice in the miracles and EVERYTHING binds us together as brothers and sisters. I can't even relate with my family or friends back home about what happened. To them, it is a heart-breaking story and to me, it is so real- I feel it in every part of my being. I don't expect this to make headlines or for the world to feel compassion for us. It has never been that way for the Jewish people, and we've survived- basically.

So how should we respond to this? By building more Jewish homes. Yes! Shove it, Obama. By having more Jewish babies. Doing everything we can to move forward and be a splinter of light in this crazy world. There is no upbeat message in this, I'm sorry to say that I still feel like crying. I still feel like my life is upside down, and I'm living in a daze. I couldn't even answer the door tonight, I'm still in after-shock, and I'm admittedly a little scared. All I know is that I do not want peace with people who kill our precious babies. There are no excuses for this kind of violence, for this kind of hatred. THINK ABOUT IT! It has to be more than just, "we want your land." If you can slit the throat of a 3-month old, it's not about land, it's about hatred, it's about wanting Jews DEAD no matter where we are.

My prayers are with the Fogels- Udi, Ruth, Yoav (11 yrs), Elad (4 yrs), Hadas (3 months) who were murdered Kiddush Hashem (sanctifying G-d's name). All I see are your brilliant smiles, even from the pictures- your souls radiated. Your impression on my life will be everlasting, and I know you are all in a high and holy place. My heart is with the rest of your living family and the Jewish people. May we all find comfort in G-d and each other. May we let the love in our hearts prevail.

Dearest neighbors,

Dearest neighbors,

Thank you for being SO welcoming and sweet! We can't believe that we have not been alone for even ONE Shabbat meal since we've gotten here. Not only that, but thank you for the multiple car rides, helping us bring our oven and dryer to the new apartment, a space heater, baby acamol, picking up diapers, bringing over wine, brownies and full-on meals while we were unpacking, calling to make sure everything is going well and overall, just being awesome. We are endlessly thankful, and hope to be just as good neighbors for all of you.

Sincerely, Yehoshua, Rebecca and Ziva Sigala

That pretty much sums up how we feel about living in Efrat. We are really happy here, we couldn't ask for anything more... except, well...maybe not having to pay our 3,200 nis arnona bill for the past year in our Jerusalem apartment. (Which really has nothing to do with Efrat, I just need to vent a little...) It's really ridiculous, in my opinion- and they don't let you pay in payments. It's a really big blow right now, especially with all of the furniture we still need to buy for our new apartment. It's one thing to live out of your suitcases with a mattress on the floor when you are newlyweds, but with a baby, it's proving to be pretty difficult. I'm trying my best to focus on what's good, because THANK G-D, there is so much good right now. When you live in Israel, you know there are sacrifices~ you can't always have spirituality and physicality in abundance at the same time. While we are striving for a healthy balance of both, I guess it's only natural that there is a little bit of struggling involved. Today, for instance, would've been a really convenient time to own a car. We just ran out of diapers, Ziva was crying because her 3rd tooth is coming in, Shua was about to run to catch the bus to work, I was supposed to meet my friend Leah up the hill and it was POURING RAIN! Here I am, stuck in my apartment....Ziva fell asleep with a "cloth diaper" on (I made it out of burping cloths). Those are the times it gets discouraging, and I start to think of how nice it would be to feel comfortable financially. Most people in America wouldn't dream of talking about such things with their friends, let alone on a public blog--- but hey, I'm Israeli now, and I've found that when I'm more open and honest with people, I feel much more true to myself.

I'm trying to focus on the simple pleasures in life, and it really gives me a sense of serenity and a consciousness that Hashem will take care of everything for us.

Things I'm loving right now-
baking challah, making my daughter laugh, getting kisses from her, listening to the beautiful piano playing from upstairs, hot coffee, staying cozy inside while it's raining!

... I know that I always end my posts with a happy note. Sorry if it's annoyingly optimistic, but it's really how I feel after it's all said and done!

The rain can't stop me!

It's been raining here, and although we're so thankful for the rain, I can't help but long for summer. I can imagine Ziva enjoying the beautiful playgrounds, taking long evening walks, having BBQs with friends... ahhh...

I'm also in super woman mode (it would be nice if the weather matched my enthusiasm)- I want to decorate our home, work on Ziva's scrapbook, make baked goods every day, become a pro photographer and be a stay at home mother all at the same time. First things first, I tell myself.

Today, I was a photographer. Wow, it's so fun to say that.

I had the privilege of taking 3-months portraits of our adorable little neighbor, Max! He's really a cute one! We spent 2 hours-talking, comforting, changing clothing, arranging backgrounds and, of course, snapping pictures that will hopefully be cherished forever. I loved it, and I really loved getting to know another neighbor on our street!

Here are some of my favorites from the session! (It's really hard to choose! You can see more of the work my husband and I have done at www.facebook.com/sigalaphotography)

Avia Baila

I know I haven't posted anything in awhile. I've been wracking my brain to think of something to follow the last post. How do you go from writing something so crazy to, "Today Ziva and I went to the Malcha Mall and met up with some of our best friends..." I guess the truth is, that's life. Something incredibly scary and dramatic can happen, but soon afterwards...you have to move on.

There is so much beauty in the world, that my husband and I can't help to be optimistic. I think that is part of the reason we like photography so much. It's a chance to share how we see the world.

Tuesday morning, I arranged my FIRST portrait session. I've been talking about getting into portraits for a long time, and I finally decided to take the plunge. My amazingly talented husband has been teaching me how to use the camera, sharing ideas with me and we actually watched an online photography class together. When I told him I might be interested in doing portraits and maybe assisting him at weddings, he was totally into it. I thought it was really cool of him to be so encouraging and excited, even though this has always been his thing. I think we could make a great duo!

We set up the shoot in our new living room. It worked out really well because we have 4 windows that let through the perfect natural light. I asked Yehoshua to set up an umbrella light just in case--- and to look more professional, of course. (We didn't end up using it at all!) I put Ziva's crib mattress on the floor against our cream colored wall. Then used a boppy pillow and blankets for the rest of the set up. The only technical thing I remember (I'm so not technical about photography yet) is that the ISO was 200, and that was possible because of the beautiful natural light we had. Yehoshua was home, so he was able to give me pointers and encourage me along! I was pretty nervous about how it would turn out!

Avia Baila Eidelshtein was born January 14, 2011 at 9 1/2 lbs, what a chub! This precious little girl has such a sweet and calm demeanor, unless she's hungry- then she knows how to scream for her food! I had fun hanging out with her mother, Sara, while I got to capture her newborn cuteness. Her Kiddush is this Shabbat, and we are looking forward to celebrating with the Eidelshtein Family and our new community!

Here are a few of my favorites from the shoot.

Attacked

Something scary happened. Like the kind of scary you hear about in stories but never happens to you. Let me preface this post with the fact and miracle that everyone, thank G-d, is OK.

We were exhausted from packing and getting ready to move this past Friday. So we decided to get take-out food for Shabbat, and since we didn't have much time, we decided to split up the errands. Yehoshua went with Ziva to get diapers and wipes, while I headed to the restaurant to select our Shabbat meals. There are very few times I have gone somewhere without Ziva, and I really wanted to do our errands all together, but it seemed to make the most sense.

Once I was out, I realized what a beautiful day it was. I was enjoying my walk, and on the way home I browsed through the Bezalel Art Fair. I was a couple minutes away from my house, when I decided to call Shua and ask him what else I should get for Shabbat. The line was busy, which I thought nothing of. I tried again, but then saw that he was calling me. On the other end, he was yelling in a frantic way that I had never heard before, "RIVKAH STAY AWAY FROM THE HOUSE, WE'VE BEEN ATTACKED." First thought was that there was a bomb in the building. He managed to sputter out a couple words about a psychotic man who tried to kidnap Ziva, and that the police were on their way. I heeled over in the middle of the street, crying and screaming. I didn't know what to do- there was nothing I could do, but stare at our apartment building in the distance. An English-speaking woman asked me what was wrong, told me to sit down and offered me water from her bottle. (I said no) I told her briefly what I knew, and then I got another call from Shua telling me that it was okay to come back. The nice woman and her daughter, brought me up the elevator and back to our apartment. I was so scared, but I didn't know what had happened exactly, so I started to calm down a little- knowing the two most precious people in my life were safe and locked in.

As soon as I saw Shua, my heart dropped. His arms were tightly wrapped around Ziva, crying and shaking, with a bruise around his eye. I started hugging them both immediately, hysterically crying with him. We cried and cried and cried. I felt helpless, that I should be doing something or that I should have done something. We kissed and hugged and cried, while I tried to nurse Ziva and make sure she was taken care of. I saw bruises and scratches on Shua's face. He put an bag of ice on his head, and I could only imagine the worst. I didn't know how anyone could hurt him, he's such a GOOD person. I didn't want to ask too soon what had happened... so as we sat there in tears, we thanked G-d that everything was okay. I kept saying, "I don't know what I would do with out you or Ziva, I'm sorry I wasn't there, I will never take you for granted, thank you for protecting our baby..."

So this is the story. A man buzzed himself into our building and came over to Shua and Ziva in the lobby. He tried to pick her up and said to her "Gila, it's your Abba." Shua was really confused, and told him not to touch her because "she wasn't feeling well." He got up and went into the elevator. As the door was closing this man pushed the door open and said to Shua, "ARE YOU OK?" At that point, he realized there was something very wrong with this man. The man followed them up to our apartment, peered in, and started to tell Shua that Ziva was not his daughter. He grabbed her arm. The moment he grabbed her arm, Shua pushed him against the wall. The fought down the hallway, and although Shua got in a couple good punches, the guy (bigger than him) managed to get him to the floor, pummeled him in the head and tried to poke his eyes out. Shua thinks that since he was headed towards the staircase, his goal was to throw him down the staircase. (Which is really, really far down) All Shua was focusing on was that he couldn't black out since little, sweet Ziva was in the hallway completely unattended. He tried yelling for someone to get the baby, for someone to call the police, but no one answered. For a split-second, the guy stopped, so Shua ran to Ziva, pushed the stroller in the apartment and slammed the door on his face.

It's hard to find the words to describe how incredibly scary this was. I keep replaying it in my head, as if I had been there. I can't believe this happened in the middle of the day. I can't believe this happened and no one helped. I can't believe this happened, period. Why G-d, please tell me why did we have to go through this? This was a HUGE wake-up call- giving me a stronger appreciation for life, and encouraging me to think... a lot.

We left the apartment for Shabbat. Thank G-d we had family friends who were more than happy to have us last minute. When we came back after wards, we quickly packed up the rest of our things since Sunday was our moving day. Now, we're here, and we couldn't feel safer or happier. This morning, after our cup of coffee, Shua, Ziva and I had an amazing dance party to the Black Eyed Peas. I think we might make it a tradition. I heard it's good to get your feet off the ground, reach towards the sky, and thank G-d for every moment.

Stylin' mama

Entering motherhood, I took a pretty laid-back approach. I wasn't the one researching every possible scenario of birth or reading up on styles of parenting. I just thought...whatever will be will be. Of course, there were some things I would never do, like co-sleeping. Yet, she's been sleeping in bed with me since her 2nd day of life. There were some things I really liked the idea of, such as natural births, baby wearing... Okay, I may seem like a hippie mama, but believe me, I'm far from a hippie. I love disposable diapers, I'm not against pacifiers, I use way too many plastic bags and if you catch me eating something organic...I'm probably at a friend's house. When it comes to raising Ziva, though, I found my method--- it's called my instincts! Every little soul needs it's own nurturing, and no one knows your own baby better than yourself. So I follow what's in my heart, double check to make sure it's safe and away we go. It's a journey.

I do find myself going against the grain of a lot of mainstream ideas on parenting. It's weird, since I kinda grew up taking what doctors say at face value. Leah, my close friend, mentioned that I might want to read the Dr. Sears book on Attachment Parenting. Honestly, I didn't read it cover to cover, but I did gain a lot of insight as to what Attachment Parenting is, and I'm really into it. Basically Attachment Parenting is about respecting your child's needs. "Attachment" is considered positive, with an ability to create a harmony between father/mother and baby. It is my feeling that establishing a strong bond with Ziva will help her in all areas of life and give her the confidence to be a healthy and independent person. I just don't think she needs to be independent at 7 months old. I realize that rocking or nursing her to sleep every night may mean that for the next couple years she may not sleep through the night. I realize that picking her up when she's fussy may mean we might be snuggling a lot more during the day. Some days are harder than others, and I do my best to be patient, kind and compassionate towards her. G-d is patient, kind and compassionate...and we're here to emulate Him. So I try.

I've come to peace, somewhat, with the fact that there are so many different ways to mother. I haven't yet met a mother that doesn't love her children with all her heart, and so I trust she must be following her own intuition. I respect others for their choices, just as I would want that kind of respect in return. I know it's hard for people to understand certain things, like the fact that we're waiting to vaccinate or that we're just not going to let her cry. It's also hard for me to understand when people make the opposite decisions, but I guess that's the beauty of differences. It doesn't mean we can't respect and learn from each other.

I just had to take a break to nurse Ziva back to sleep. She's had this cold for a couple weeks now, poor little thing! She can barely even nurse because it's hard for her to breathe through her nose while nursing. Just having me next to her helps her fall back asleep. G-d willing, she will feel better soon- everyday she gets better. She's the sweetest angel. I love the warmth of her snuggles and the distinct smell of her breath. As far as attachment goes, I think I'm more attached to her.

Hope everyone has a wonderful week, Shavuah Tov!

Our 2nd anniversary date

Thursday night was our 2nd year anniversary. Everyone keeps telling me how crazy that sounds, but in reality, I feel like I've known Yehoshua forever. Totally soul mates. It's really amazing when you can get to that point in your relationship where you feel super comfortable with the other person. Sometimes I'll say to him, "Do you think I would have ever done that while we were dating?" The answer is usually NO WAY. Although, he's assured me more than once he would have still married me in spite of all my embarrassing idiosyncrasies. When it comes down to it, the things that might annoy you about your spouse are most likely the things that you actually love the most. Like the fact that he never likes to waste things-- so he cleans out the ice cream containers or jelly jars. I used to wonder...WHY??? But now whenever I need to store leftovers, I'm overjoyed to have a sturdy, perfectly sized container to use. Go figure!

I've been anticipating this anniversary for months. I had decided that this was the day that I could try to leave Ziva with a babysitter for the first time. She's almost 7 months old, and she has never been with anyone else besides us. (Not even our parents, even though they've tried!) I asked my friend, Naama, to babysit nearly a month in advanced! I thought she would be perfect since she has such a calm and sweet demeanor, and I knew she already loved Ziva. I was so nervous that day, wondering how everything would pan out. I made sure to have pumped milk, extra clothing and pajamas laid out, diapers and wipes ready and of course a full page of instructions and emergency phone numbers.

It was such a weird feeling to be out with Yehoshua without Ziva. We held hands, laughed, walked around, I even threw on a pair of high heels! It was really fun. We went to get a smoothie before we went out to dinner, just because we felt funny entering the restaurant before 5 pm. (We went out from 4-8:30 so that we could put Ziva to sleep ourselves) We ended up going to one of our favorite places to eat here---RYU on Emek Refaim. They have really yummy Sushi and "Asian fusion" food. We literally ordered the whole menu- Salmon roll with caviar, spicy tuna tempura, beef dim sum, hot and sour soup, spicy schezuan beef, chicken/tofu pad thai. By the time we got the main entrees, we only picked at them and asked for them to go. In honor of our anniversary, they brought us one of their tapioca desserts. It was really delicious, and kind of inspired me to learn how to make tapioca. I remember seeing the tapioca pearls at the health food store on Agrippas.

We called Naama periodically through the night to check on our munchkin. It seemed like they were doing great, and I really wasn't too nervous. At one point, Ziva even fell asleep on Naama, which I thought was so sweet. Since she was sleeping, we took a little extra time to go grocery shopping for Shabbat. It was nice not having to be an entertainer and grocery shopper at the same time, and we got just about everything we needed for Shabbat. We wanted to make something easier---so we snagged my mother-in-law's recipe for her southern fried chicken! (With a salad and mashed potatoes) It turned out well!

When we got back, I couldn't stop smiling in the elevator, all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around Ziva! She came to the door to greet us, and she was so happy! I know I made a good choice about who watched over her. When Naama left, the most incredible thing happened. I was making a funny face while repeatedly saying "Chubby baby" to Ziva and she started laughing so hard, which made us laugh, and her laugh even more. We all literally stood there for over 5 minutes, laughing our heads off. Best anniversary present ever! Thanks Ziva! I thought to myself that I couldn't be happier!